Zombies Just Want Wine

by Scott

It was a beautiful day on Mount Olympus. Hermes, the messenger god, decided to take a stroll around the mountain to clear his crowded mind. He felt at peace as he wandered down the cliff. However, as he reached the foot of the mountain, he began to hear a quiet, synchronized murmur. As he approached the source of the noise, it became louder and louder. He reached the top of a large hill and found himself overlooking an army of angry zombies.

The zombies all chanted together: “Ite ad Olympum Montem”
Hermes was shocked by this sight. He used his winged sandals and flew directly to Zeus to alarm him of the issue at hand. Nonetheless, Zeus seemed indifferent about the zombie army, and he casually struck their masses with an enormous lightning storm.
Unfortunately, the zombies were not harmed. “Hahahae. Nobis fulmen non nocet.” The army continued to march towards the peak of Mount Olympus. They mocked the Gods. “Stulti sunt dei. Non possunt consistere nobis.”
Angered by his humiliation, Zeus called for his god of war, Ares, to put down the zombie uprising. He ordered Ares to save Mount Olympus by destroying every individual zombie. He walked down the mountain and met the army head on.
The zombies warned Ares: “Tu infirmus est. Delebimus te.”
After a long battle, Ares was overwhelmed by the army. He suffered many injuries and was forced to retreat up the mountain. Desperate for assistance Zeus asked Poseidon to use his power of the sea to drown the army. Poseidon obliged, and he created a huge wave that swept over the zombie army.
Surprisingly, the army stood strong. “Nos bene nature possumus. Civitate exterminabimus.”
With the zombie army approaching the top of the mountain, the Gods were troubled. They were unable to rid their home of the gruesome zombies, and the creatures seemed intent on destroying the mountain. “Mons noster est,” they called.
Just before the Gods gave up hope, Dionysus emerged with cases of wine. He convinced the Gods to let him approach the army and offer them the gift of wine. Dionysus offered the army cases of wine, and the zombies reluctantly accepted the gift. As they began to sip the wine, the zombies became increasingly less hostile. They were happy and the laughed among themselves. In short, they were drunk.
“Gratias tibi pro vino. Nos relinquemus te solum.”
The tipsy army left the mountain, and the Gods were at peace once more.

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