Zombieland 2: Mount Olympus

by Jonah
(Pound Ridge, NY USA)

It was a cold, autumn night on Mount Olympus. Zeus was eating with his wife Hera and favorite brother, Poseidon, when he heard a dull moaning sound in the distance. He saw Hades slowly limping towards him with blood dripping from his mouth. Zeus yelled,” Brother you have no place here.” After a few seconds of examination Zeus said, “Are you sick?” Hades moaned, “Aegroto. Centum zombies veniunt.” Hera chimed in,” What. That’s not possible!” Zeus responded, “Hera this is no place for you. War is about to be upon us.”

In the distance a swarm of zombies started their way towards the three gods. “Go and fetch Ares, Artemis and Athena. We will need their war, hunting and strategy skills to destroy these zombies.” Zeus commanded. Poseidon commented, “It’s a good thing that Woody Harrelson decided to visit this week. He really knows how to kill zombies.”
In the Zombie swarm, their leader, Cornelius, yelled, “Fratres, este ducem divorum.” As the zombies started running towards Zeus, Poseidon and Hera, the cries of a group of warriors could be heard from the left of the swarm. The warriors were led by the Athena, Ares and Artemis, the gods of strategy, war and the hunt. Two of the zombies were name Marcus and Sextus. “Sinistra Marce! Artemis arcum tendit et sagittam mittit ad nos” Marcus inquit. Ten zombies immediately fell to the ground, with arrows stuck through them. Zeus then destroyed 5 more zombies with his lightning bolt. To Zeus’ right Woody Harrelson came running with a chainsaw and screamed, “I’m in the ass kicking business and business is good.” “Woody Harrelson non terret est, Marce oppugno” Sextus inquit. Upon hearing this, Woody Harrelson cut off Sextus’ head with his chainsaw and quickly sliced up 6 more zombies. Ares and the zombie of Hades met in the middle of the battlefield. “Ares, pugnas ut puella” Hades inquit. Ares then unleashed a fury of hundreds of years of anger upon Hades, those were Hades last words.
Cornelius who was fighting with Woody Harellson said, “Aer frigidus est. Pes mei dolet.” Upon hearing that Cornelius was in pain, Woody sliced his arm off with his chainsaw then let him bleed out on the battlefield. Without their leader, the zombie swarm in disarray started to fall apart. One of the few zombies still alive, Sextus, fought hard and wouldn’t give up until he was either victorious or dead. Woody then sliced his leg off with ease. Sprawled on the ground Sextus muttered, “Cum pilum et scutum ego pugno. Cum pilum et scutum ego mori.” With the loss of Sextus, the remaining 15 zombies gave up and were taken as prisoners and the battle was over.
At the top of Mount Olympus the 5 gods and Woody Harrelson stood in admiration of their work. With much pride Zeus said, “Our work here is done. Those zombies got what they deserved, death.” The gods then walked away and faded into the horizon.

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