Zombie Hotel

by PJ

Not much is known about the Greek Gods in modern times. Their stories are no longer discussed, as if they don’t exist anymore. But they are immortal, they must still exist! Then the real question is where did the Gods go?


We can find the Gods living in a Holiday Inn, somewhere in upstate New York. The economic recession wasn’t easy on anyone and the Gods – accustomed to not paying taxes – found themselves in a financial hole. Mt. Olympus was then sold, at which point they moved here and all found jobs working in the hotel. Zeus is the manager, Poseidon watches over the pool, Hades works in the basement, and so on. They all make decent enough wages that should be able to keep them living comfortably.

It was a rainy night and Dionysus was running his regular night shift at the wine bar, when a large group of men walked in. They were all dressed in suits and ties and talked on and on about a convention they attended earlier that day. It was incredibly dull and Dionysus ended up closing early, leaving the men alone in the bar.

Everything seemed fine, until 3A.M., when something barged into Zeus and Hera suite. It was a zombie! It snarled, “Trajectus te a lectum! Volo te occiderem!”

“Who are you?” screamed Zeus, Hera, and a voice from a closet. Hera realized Zeus had been having another affair and silently turned the girl into a frog, while muttering, "nymph" under her breath.

“Ego mortuorum ambulans. Fac me times?” it replied.

“I fear no one, for I am the all-powerful Zeus!”

“mortuorum ambulans potentiora sunt quam deos”

Zeus quickly destroyed the zombie with a lightning bolt, however realized they were only the start. More zombies entered the room and outside Zeus could hear them enter other rooms. The zombies had taken over the hotel! As he attempted to protect his wife, Zeus heard the screams of the Latin zombies.

“Iam, Festo diversorio pellentesque mortuorum ambulans est”

“Occidebimus omnes deos!”
“Sed non Ares . . . terrere est!

Dionysus ran out of his room to see Poseidon and Artemis fighting off the zombies. “I’ll find help!” he screamed. He ran down the hall, looking for anyone who could end the horde of zombies. However, he stopped when passing the bar. Dionysus could never pass up a good glass of wine.

“AAAAAAAAGHHHHH!” A zombie jumped out from behind the bar. “Ne reliquum! Te propter nos ortuus ambulans est!”

“What?”

“Tu solus nobis et Nos in infernum mutata mortuorum ambulans!”

Dionysus ran back to the hall where all the Gods had now gathered. The zombies were surrounding them. He knew there was no chance of dispelling the zombie threat. What could Dionysus do?

“WAIT,” he yelled. Everyone looked to Dionysus and Hera gave him a scowl. “if you leave them alone I’ll give you a……3 FREE NIGHTS.”

“Solus si prandium continents accipibimus,” one replied.

“DEAL,” the Gods chimed.

And it was a deal. The zombies sulked off to sleep. I guess the only way to stop a horde is free pancakes. Everything was back to normal………..UNTIL.

“Coaxans”

“THAT NYMPH’S A ZOMBIE,” Hera yelled.

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