Zombie Attack

by Adam M
(NY)

As the sun’s rays rose over Mount Olympus, the gods awoke and began their daily business; Bacchus and his wife Ariadne awoke from the previous evening’s bacchanalia, Diana had left Olympus to go on a hunt, and Vulcan was in his forge make new armor for Mars.


The day carried on as normal for the gods, however problems had arisen at the base of Mount Olympus, in the town of Litochoro. It had been reported that a zombie attacked an innocent women and screamed, “Mortui ad te.” It had also been reported that many zombies were spotted overnight feasting on livestock in the fields.

Jupiter heard word of the attack and grew furious. He prepared the gods for war. He knew that when there is one zombie, there are always thousands of them not far behind.

Mount Olympus prepared for battle, the sky grew darker, and a strong wind began to blow. Multitudes of zombies appeared below the mountain. One of the zombies exclaimed, “Neccesemus vinum.” Jupiter and the other gods were confused, but they prepared to attack.

Immediately, Jupiter tossed a lightning bolt at the zombies. This angered the hordes of zombies as their moans grew louder. As the zombies drew within a few feet from the top of Mount Olympus, Mars jumped out from the crowd of frightened god and goddesses, and pierced his sword through a crowd of zombies, killing them instantly. One of the other zombies screamed in horror, “Amicus meus.”

Sumus hic pro bacchanalia,” announced the head zombie before Diana mounted and arrow in her bow. All of a sudden, the fighting stopped and the head zombie spoke again. “Non habemus vinum in nostro oppido at Bacchus vinum habet.” Bacchus stepped forward and offered the head zombie a glass of wine, “Ego sum egregius,” proclaimed the head zombie, “Graties tibi ago.”

The gods and zombies rejoiced. As one zombie exclaimed, “Cantamus,” all of the partygoers began to sing “Turbo Turbo Turbo”

As everyone was singing, Jupiter and the head zombie sat down to discus the odd sequence of events that had occurred. The head zombie explained how he and his followers had no intention of attacking the gods, they only wanted to party. Also he explained that a local teacher provoked the attacks in Litochoro. “Magister baculo verberabat.”

The party began to wind down and the zombies began to leave. “Vale, amicus meus,” yelled the head zombie as he led his people back to their land, peacefully.

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