The Zombie A-Team

by Truman



It was just another day in the lives of Hannibal, Murdock, B.A. Baracus, and Face of the A-Team. They had just completed yet another underwater mission in halting the attack of Kraken with just a tube of toothpaste and chopsticks. Whilst celebrating with a bottle of Falernian, the face of Neptunus appeared in the water just ahead of the submarine. He smiled, and the A-team submarine was sucked into an underwater portal where they were never to be seen again.

It had been 300 years since the incident of Neptune and the A-Team. The gods were relaxing on Olympus, enjoying a time of peace when they heard a loud boom and a scream from outside the gates. These noises could have only been created by a large B.A. Baracus, and they grew louder. Neptunus was astonished while the other gods just laughed at the thought of a fight against mortals. Little did they know, the A-Team was not an ordinary mortal group of agents. Hannibal blew the gates open and revealed their zombie selves. This was the same A-team, but now they were stone cold living dead assassins. Neptunus ran behind his brother Iuppiter when Hannibal announced, “Redierimus et venimus pro sanguini.” Iuppiter, Apollo, Mars, and Vulcunus sat at the circular table at the center of Olympus and remained unimpressed. Neptune was alone in knowing the pure threat this A-Team provided, especially since he was the only god aware of their survival from his deadly whirlpool.

Face whipped off his sunglasses and screamed, “Nullum erit nobis somnium donec omnibus vobis descenderet reclamantibus ab Olympus.” Murdock added, “Ita vero, sumamus nostrum locum ut rectores mundi.” Even the most powerful of the gods shivered a bit at the sheer audacity of the A-Team’s confidence standing up to the all-mighty.

Vulcunus drew his sword and hurled it at Hannibal, the clear leader of the A-Team. It was a clean cut right through his left arm as it dropped to the ground. As the gods began to laugh at the vulnerability of these zombies, the left arm of Hannibal re-attached to his shoulder and back to a working order. Hannibal muttered “Nunc est mea facultas!” and he leaped in the air drawing his blade at the same time. Vulcunus and Face clashed swords, desperately trying to figure out each other’s weakness. Every time the limb of one of the zombie A-team members was separated, it simply reattached immediately. The gods frantically tried to form a plan while the A-Team remained idle. Just as they began to prepare to fight, B.A. Baracus surprised them. “Quae vis me pugnare?” he asked. Iuppiter and Apollo looked at each other, then at Baracus. Baracus carried no weapon, only his fists, while Iuppiter held his lightning bolt and Apollo drew back a golden bow. Apollo let three flaming arrows fly and Baracus simply caught them and threw them back. “Di ita defecistis!” he yelled. He wailed on the two gods like they were nothing more than practice at the gymnasium.

Neptune and Mars, now both terrified, looked up to meet the faces of the sharp shooting Murdock and the witty Face. The gods stumbled back as the two agents advanced, simultaneously inquiring “Currere potest, sed te occulere non potest!” While Murdock and Face pushed forward into battle with Neptune and Mars, Hannibal trapped Vulcunus in a god-proof cage where he sat and cried. Hannibal boasted, “Hahahae, mox omnem potestatem habebimus!” Baracus had beaten both Iuppiter and Apollo to a point where they both believed they were little girls, playing with dolls at the edge of Olympus. Baracus stood next to Hannibal and said, “Nemo est fortior me” Murdock and Face quickly finished off Neptune and Mars, who actually never fought back, but were too afraid and jumped off Olympus.

The A-team successfully completed yet another mission and sat back in the chairs of the former gods to relax. Word got out to the rest of the Olympians who were vacationing in Hawaii, and they never returned. The A-Team opened another bottle of wine and got comfortable, because they knew they would be there for a while. Hannibal ended this tale with one last statement, “Nemo potest vincere the A-Team!”

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