The Solar Eclipse Party
Once upon a time, the Roman gods decided to have a party. It was the beginning of spring which meant that Ceres was finally reunited with her daughter, Persephone. All of the Olympian gods were invited to attend. Neptune and Jupiter got into a fight over the location. Neptune wanted the party to be in the sea while Jupiter wanted to have it in the clouds. They finally decided on a small field near Mount Olympus that wasn’t too far from the sea. Neptune washed it with ocean water and Jupiter threw a lightning bolt at it to mark the field as the party’s location. Then the gods went on their merry way and began planning the rest of the party.
Unbeknownst to the gods, the area they had chosen was an old graveyard. The lightning had revived the bodies and the water gave them the ability to speak, but only in Latin. The zombies were mad at the gods because Romans had originally killed these zombies. They were determined to overthrow the gods and eat their life-restoring ambrosia and nectar. They knew that they couldn’t do it without help, so they paid a visit to Pluto, the god of the underworld.
Pluto was angry at the other gods because his wife, Persephone, had just left him for the rest of the year and the gods had not invited him to their party. So when the Latin zombies approached him, he was more than happy to help them out. Nos deos Romanorum non timemus. Pluto knew that the zombies were stronger in the dark, but the party was going to happen when the sun was out. He was at a loss at what to do until he came up with a brilliant idea that all of the zombies agreed with. They were all set to invade!
Soon enough, it was the day of the great party. Every major god and goddess was there. Curiously, Diana was not present, but everyone was enjoying themselves so much that only her brother, Apollo, noticed her absence. Apollo dicit: "Ubi est Diana, soror mea?" Suddenly, the sky darkened. The gods looked up at the sky and saw that the moon was blocking the sun. It was a solar eclipse! All of a sudden,
arms began popping up out of the ground, grabbing at the gods’ feet. Jupiter dicit: "Iam mortui ambulantes ex terra abeunt!" The invasion had begun!
The zombies quickly overpowered most of the gods, tied them up, and began interrogating them. "Ubi est cibus de vita?" asked the zombies. "Nos edibimus cibum de vita et vivibimus!" "I will never tell you where the ambrosia is!" replied Jupiter. So the zombies continued to Neptune, who replied in the same manner. They continued down the line of gods. Meanwhile, Mercury, who was much farther down the line, thought of a plan to save himself and the rest of the gods. He managed to escape because he was the god of thieves and no ropes could hold him. He realized that Diana was missing and that Pluto must have captured her and moved the moon to block the sun. So Mercury decided to visit Helios, the god who drove the sun across the sky every day and saw everything.
When the zombies got to Mercury's spot, they saw that he was missing. "Mercurius non hic est. Ubi is est?" They searched the surrounding forest but couldn't find him. Suddenly, everyone heard a loud noise coming from the sky. The zombies looked up and saw the sun move from behind the moon. Mercury convinced Helios to move the sun from behind the moon. "Sol in caelo lucet!" yelled the zombies as they felt their strength fade. With the sun out, the zombies were no match for the angry gods. The zombies yelled: "Pluto, serva nos, servi tui!" Now the gods began interrogating the zombies. "Where are Pluto and Diana?" asked Jupiter, threatening to fry them with a lightning bolt. One of the zombies quickly broke down and told him. "Pluto in mons Olympus est et cibum tuum est."
The gods ran to Mount Olympus and found Pluto there. After a quick battle, Pluto was defeated and sent back to the Underworld. His punishment was to rebury all of the zombies by hand and Persephone would only stay with him for two months rather than the usual three the next year. The zombies were all sent to the deepest levels of Tartarus for Pluto's punishment, but not before one of them managed to say: "Resurgibimus proximo anno."