The Attention-Seeking Zombies

by Julia A

Hera, Zeus’s wife, scrambled out of bed when she realized what day it was. It was the 11th of November; the first day of the Festival of Zeus: a day all Romans would celebrate with a banquet with feasting, games, music, singing, dancing, and wine-drinking. Typically, the gods did not celebrate along with the Romans, however, this year, Hera thought it would be a great idea to hold the banquet for her husband, his siblings, and a few of the children right there on Mount Olympus. Hera quickly summoned the brothers: Hades and Poseidon, his sister: Demeter, and children: Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Athena, Ares, Apollo and Artemis. She began the preparations right away.

Hera spent the whole day arranging the banquet; she worked up until the guests began to arrive. Aphrodite arrived first, looking beautiful as ever, with her husband Hephaestus. Next, Ares, Apollo, Artemis, and Athena arrived. Surprisingly, Hades came afterwards, leaving Hermes behind to look after the Underworld, and Poseidon arrived last bringing a wave of excitement along with him. The gods giddily chatted and bragged about their gifts, until Hera silenced them all. Zeus entered the home and the Gods screamed, “SURPRISE!” Mount Olympus shook as the gods jumped up and down, greeting Zeus. The banquet was off to a great start.

The gods feasted on plates after plates of olives, grapes, nuts, and roasted pork. Sweet wine was passed around, along with the fresh bread brought by Demeter. The party was going smoothly until Hera heard a suspicious noise. She stormed out of the room and stumbled upon a frightful sight of ten zombies climbing up the sides of Mount Olympus.

In a rush, she warned the Gods of what she saw. All of a sudden, the zombies burst into the room.

“Juno, cur non nos invitovisti?!” hollered the zombies.

“Excuso…ah…me…hic es…my…convivialis…ah…you know…party? Cibus et..ah…festums?” questioned Zeus in his very broken Latin. After all, Zeus was getting older and his Latin younger. He long switched from speaking Latin to speaking the new, hip English language.

“Es stultus pro rege!” taunted the zombies.

Hades interrupted, “If you all do not leave this instant… you all will be sent to the Underworld!”

“Sero Pluto!” the zombies jeered, “Iam fuimus ad infernos!”

With frustration, Ares, in his golden armor, courageously pulled out his bronze spear. “You leave right now or else this spear will be through your leader’s head.”

“Hoc sit durissimum bellum umquam pugnavisti!” they yelled.

“Oh we’ll see about that,” challenged Ares. As he was about to throw his spear, Poseidon stopped him.

“Do you want to save your little friend?" Poseidon pointed to the smallest zombie standing in the back of the crowd. It was a shepherd zombie, and with him he held three sheep.

“If you do not leave us alone, I will have my son, Polyphemus, finish off those delicious sheep along with their shepherd.”

“Cur non oppugnas cum aliquo tuae magnitudivis?” shouted the zombies. “Reuertere ad tuum oceanum!”

“Don’t worry Poseidon, my lightning bolt will finish them ALL off,” growled Zeus. “They do not stand a chance against the King!”

“Now, now Father. Rethink your strategy. Zombies, what has brought you all here today? Why must you disturb our peace?” reasoned Athena.

“Volumus scire cur non invitati simius?” the zombies cried. “Semper Romani celebrant deis, sed numquam mortuis.”

Athena, the goddess of wisdom, suddenly came up with an idea. “How about we create a holiday where people celebrate the lives of the people who have died? We can call it ‘The Day of the Dead’ How does that sound?”

“Illa sententia nobis placet. Non nos excludimur,” cheered the zombies.

“Bonus, now that we no longer have a problem… Zombies, would you care to join us in celebration of Zeus? We have some pork brain and plenty of wine.”

“Nos delectamur. Gratias ago!” exclaimed the zombies.

The gods and zombies enjoyed the rest of the festival, and from that day on, the Romans celebrated the lives of the deceased every year in May, which they called, “The Day of the Dead.” Soon, many other cultures started celebrating the holiday, and there have been no recorded zombie uprisings since.

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