Project Macron

by Ryan
(New York)

Before Dionysus’ birthday, Jupiter and the other Olympians had to set up the amphitheater. Jupiter zapped the speakers with his lightning bolt to power them up, while Neptune made the punch. Juno was in the rafters hanging streamers; Venus put on her outfit and fit inside the fake cake and Mercury delivered the invitations to all the demi-gods and gods who failed to help set up.

2 Hours Later

Dionysus blindly walked up the steps of Mount Olympus guided by Diana and her brother Apollo.

“Where are we going?” Bacchus asked; his speech was slurred and difficult to comprehend.

“Don’t worry about it.” Apollo replied. “Just be ready to have the wine flow and you’ll understand later.” Bacchus giggled and fell onto Diana, where she retaliated with a roundhouse to the face.

“Don’t touch me again!” shouted Diana, as Bacchus struggled to get on his feet after the UFC-like blow. After the antagonizing walk, the trio finally reached the amphitheater atop Mount Olympus. Apollo singed the blindfold off Bacchus as all the Gods, heroes and Demi-gods shouted “SURPRISE” at the hammered God. Startled, Bacchus released his powers and soon, every party goer became a drunken mess.

Twas a good party; a bacchanalia would be an understatement. The wine flowed freely; the attendants danced and stumbled over each other. Suddenly however, a rather large group of figures appeared within the mist yelling strange noises. Jupiter, his vision fazed and blurry, squinted towards the figures and carelessly threw a bolt. Striking one of the figures, the mass group turned their heads, the largest speaking with a certain grunt: “Ubi sunt capita Deorum?” Jupiter, alarmed, threw more misaimed bolts. However after each struck a figure, they simply arose again. Mercury, swaying next to Jupiter, managed to slur out a statement along the lines of humans fearing the living dead. Jupiter’s head swirled with thoughts that the earth’s zombies had somehow reached Olympus. Showing no fear, Mars followed by Jupiter and Neptune stumbled towards the mass of zombies, only to find the herd was near endless. Slaying their enemies was difficult as each god could barely grasp their own sword, bolt or trident. Each zombie rose, chanting “Capita Deorum! Capita Deorum!” The trio of gods soon backed up to the party with the herd slowly closing in. Venus grabbed Mars’ arm and held it tightly. The largest zombie grunted “Capita Deorum cibi sunt. Famelicissimus sunt.”

A smaller zombie staggered up to Jupiter and smelled him, saying “Dei est! Sed Dei bacchum olere!”

The largest zombie shouted “Sed estes Dei eribi sunt! Eribimus a nocturnum!” The zombies cheered and Juno latched onto Zeus. Despite the gods mighty power, only Mars battled Venus and himself a path to safety. The Zombies chanted:

“Famelicissimus sunt! Capita Deorum bonae sunt!” Mercury flew away, faltering in the air like a plan hitting turbulence, and then dropped like a stone to vomit his wine. A zombie bit Mercury and it shouted with glee “Quam incbecilli estis, o Dei! Valentes et celeres non estis, at lenti sunt.” The Gods screamed and didn’t notice the largest Zombie bite Neptune, as it shouted “Deus marorum salsus est!” Soon every god besides Jupiter were rising as zombies. Those who had turned into Zombies shouted “Dei inbecilli sunt ! Zombies omnipotenti sunt!” Jupiter desperately threw a bolt into the ever growing herd of zombies. The bolt however, struck a zombie square between the eyes. However unlike before, this zombie did not rise again. Realizing his opportunity for victory and the salvation of Olympus, Jupiter summoned all his strength and created a thunderstorm where streaks of lighting struck each zombie in the head. Exhausted from his work, Jupiter began to pass out, however he heard the cries of the Leader shouting “Redibimus a Olympus Jupiter!”

The Next Day

Rising with a throbbing headache, Jupiter stared at the landscape of Olympus. All the Gods and Demi-Gods were strung among the columns, some lying on top of each other. Realizing the Zombies were merely a dream, Jupiter shouted until Apollo threw a chalice and told him to shut up as he drew the bright sun back. Truly, the Gods knew how to make a party interesting, as Morpheus snickered and hid behind a column.

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