Mount Hades

by Julia
((New York))

One cold fall night, Hades got into an argument with his wife, Persephone. Angered and upset, he stormed up and out of the underworld. Upon arrival to the surface of Mt. Olympus, he searched for anything that he thought would make him feel better—perhaps a whiff of a pumpkin or a bite of an apple. He missed out on so much living in the underworld, and sometimes he longed to enjoy the life he had been denied. In a hurry to escape his wife’s complaints and scolding, Hades forgot to lock the door to the great pit of Tartarus, the dungeon home of damned souls.

Hades strolled along a hidden path, deep in the woods. He took in the sounds, sights and scents he hadn’t experienced since he was a young boy. He came to a stop upon seeing an apple on a tree. When he bit it, he was reminded of why he loved his home in the underworld so much. The sweet taste was too much for him. He threw the apple to the ground, set it on fire, and returned to his home.

The next morning, Zeus and his wife, Hera, awoke to Hermes screaming that zombies had been spotted on the outskirts of Mt. Olympus. Zeus asked Pan to search the woods to see if any hidden zombies posed a threat to the gods who had to commute through them for work.

As Pan walked through the woods, he caught a glimpse of something burning in the distance. He ran to see what it was, and instantly realized that Hades had been there. Pan’s quick problem-solving skills kicked in, and he called Hades to notify him that he had forgotten to lock the dungeon. He wanted to make sure the issue was fixed before any more damned souls could escape. Ashamed by his marital issues Hades screamed, “I was never there! Your zombie problems have nothing to do with me!” Just as Pan began to reply, the line went dead. The zombie attacks had begun.

The zombies were starving. After eating Pan, they wanted more. Since there were very few gods in the forest at such an early hour, they began snacking on fruits to hold them over.

“O, quam foedum est hoc malum!” said one zombie, Buffy.

“Foedum tamquam tuum! Hahahae!” said another zombie, Boo. Buffy inched towards him with angry eyes. “Mē miseret!”

“Ubi sunt dii? Ēsuriō,” said a third zombie, Bones.

“Mēcum venī!” growled Buffy, as he led his army of fifty zombies towards the center of town.

There, a chaotic crowd of gods had gathered, waiting for Zeus to make a speech giving further instructions of preparations the gods should take for the zombie attacks. Suddenly, the crowd heard a rumbling of stomping shrieks and shrills as the army of zombies stormed into town. The zombies easily outnumbered the gods and, despite how hard the gods fought, the zombies took all of them down with ease; all except for Bones. The god he fought had used its powers to slice off both of his arms.

“Me adiuvāre potes? Opus est mihī medicō. Properā!”

“Mē miseret, tibi moriēs. Valē!” said Boo. Buffy, Bones and the rest of the zombie army marched off quickly, leaving Bones behind to die.

By the end of the day, the zombies had managed to kill off all the gods (aside from Hades) and overthrew Mt. Olympus. Weeks later, Hades rose from the underworld again to fix the problem he had created. He wiped out all of the zombies single handedly, forever erasing their existence on the mountain. With no other gods on Mt. Olympus, Hades saw it as a clean slate. It was his opportunity to start fresh, without Persephone to worry about, or an underworld to operate. Mt. Olympus soon became Mt. Hades, where Hades lived in peace and in the long-awaited happiness he sought.

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