Males Zombies et Deis Romanis

by Joseph

Jupiter was not pleased. There were zombies on his mountain. “Est Zombiae en monti mei.” Said Jupiter to his wife, Juno. He says to a zombie, “non, Zombie. Non consumit cerebrae, est zombie male.” The zombie then was sad, all he wanted to do was to eat brains, for that was is purpose in his unlife. “sed cerebrae est bene, cerebrae mihi placent.” He said this not in an evil way, but in a, “I need to eat, and there is perfectly good food here” kind of way. “Sed zombie consumi cerebri personi mei.” Jupiter replies. “Tui est male.”

“Arggh” says the zombie, “non consume pisce, et est personi tui.”
“Pisce non est personi mei, est personi Neptuni. Atque, non est persone, est pisce.” The Zombie, deciding that he did like fish after all, decided to leave Olympus and hunt the fish in the sea, to please Jupiter, who was being very irate to the hungry zombie. So he rounded up the rest of his horde, and said, “Est multi pisci in oceani, et Jupiter dici quid pisci non est personi.” To which the rest of the zombies, who were not having much luck with the villagers, said, “Sed pisce est male, cerebri humani est optimi cerebri.
“Non,” said the first zombie, “pisce est bene. Pisce est bene en capille.” this convinced the zombies, as everyone know that zombies are very concerned about hair loss. So the zombies decide to hunt for some fish. Rather than using fishing poles, they thrash around in the water until they catch them. Seeing that they are unsuccessful at this, Pluto goes to the head zombie, and says that he will help them catch their fish, in return for a small favor. “Quid est adfectio?” said the zombie. Pluto said that he wanted the zombies help in taking over Olympus. “sed zombies est en Olypmpus atque Jupiter malus est. zombies timides est.” Pluto, deciding that the zombies were too stupid, walked away to find other help. Neptune heard this and rose out of the sea, saying, “zombie non male est, sed bonam.” He feels bad, and gives them fish, but tells them to stay out of the ocean. “Neptunus est dei forti.” The zombies then formed a pact with the gods. Vulcanus would make them shiny new armor, they would fight with Mars against Pluto, and they all lived happily ever after. Until all the zombies died. Then the gods were sad. The end.

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