Jake Carter's Zombies

by Dion
(Latin)

One day, Jake Carter was walking down the street wearing his sister’s favorite baby blue dress.


“Oh my gosh, I am so pretty. I am prettier than Aphrodite, the goddess of love!”
Unfortunately, this triggered Jake to start naming other gods and goddesses.

“Zeus, Hephaestus, Aphrodite, Hermes, and Cupid!” Jake yelled.

Shortly after he yelled these names, the ground began to shake. He then heard shouts.

“Tibi morte monietur! Tibi morte monietur!”

Obviously scared out of his mind, Jake tried to run. However, his pink high heels kept making him fall. On the ground, frustrated, he turned around to see one hundred zombies slowly creeping towards him.

“Tibi morte monietur! Tibi morte monietur!” They shouted.

In desperate need of help, Jake began to lose hope. Then suddenly, a wave of water washed over him and there stood Poseidon, God of the Sea.

“Non ultra progressi.” Zeus said with a booming voice.

With his golden pitchfork, he sliced the zombies to pieces.

It is a known fact that zombies are afraid of love. One of Jake’s biggest weaknesses is not being a great lover. The next morning while waiting for his waffles in his speedo, Jake decided to go outside to check his mail. He had been receiving multiple letters from his admirer that often affiliates herself with Francesco, OS. He proceeded to throw each one away while at the same time cursing his bad luck. Little did he know, there was a zombie inside of his garbage can. Infuriated by the love letters being thrown down at him, the zombie grabbed Jake and flung him at the wall. Jake began to cry and question god as to why all of these unfortunate meetings were being bestowed upon him. As the zombie approached him, he remembered that zombies hate love. He figured that if he thought of something that he loved, although there aren’t many, the situation would get better. Normally, a person would think of their family or a sport. Jake is not normal, he thought of his favorite Easter Bunny Halloween costume that he wears to go to sleep. Aphrodite, goddess of love, instantly appeared.

“Hoc finietur.” She said

“How is that going to happen?” Jake asked out of curiosity.

“Ostendam ei amor”

She quickly took a hold of the zombie. After she had a firm grip, she gave him a quick kiss, and he vanished.

The next day, Jake acted like nothing had happened. Afraid of what people might think, he kept it to himself. Zombies love blood. Jake should have thought about that before juggling knives in the kitchen. He wanted to pretend like he was in the circus just out of boredom. He started getting better and better and juggling two knives escalated to juggling four. He could feel the excitement and adrenaline rushing through his body and he wanted to take a risk. He began doing cartwheels while clutching on to the knives, he cut himself. He began to cry because he was bleeding. He went outside to wash his hands off with the hose, but as he peered off into the distance, he saw a zombie in full sprint coming towards him. With nothing to protect himself, he ran into the neighboring auto body shop and screamed for help. Out from the darkness mysteriously appeared Hephaestus, god of the forge. He said nothing at first, slowly turned to Jake, stared blankly at the zombie, then muttered,

“Ipse erit super.”

“Finietur hoc nunc!”
With long strides he approached the zombie and with a massive sledge hammer, he took a mighty swing and sent it to hell.

Still hiding all of these recent encounters with zombies from his family, Jake surprisingly found himself in a good mood the next day. The sun was shining, he got an A+ on his Latin test, and he was in ninth period with the long weekend approaching. Jake has a crush on a girl in his ninth period class, and like every person would, he looks forward to seeing her during the day. When she isn’t there, his day becomes a lot worse. However, today everything was going just fine and there were no problems at all. That was until a zombie jumped through the window and took his crush away! Danny began hysterically crying because he cared about her so much. The only way to catch the zombie would be to get something to distract, slow down, and take it out because it had already gained so much ground on the school. Cupid, also a god of love, was already on the case. He began to chase the zombie down and yelled,

“Vos non potest ignorare deore meo.”

The zombie stopped and turned around

“Nunc ego vos” said Cupid.

He then took Jake’s crush, shot the zombie with a love arrow causing it to vanish.

Jake started to consider telling his parents about the zombies but it still never happened. He was putting away the special rock he found outside when all of the sudden, another zombie came out of nowhere, took the rock and ran. He knew he wouldn’t be able to catch up based on the fact that he can’t run the option in football. But, as he looked into the distance, he saw someone with winked shoes chasing the zombie down, Hermes, the Messenger God! Jake could hear him saying,

“Ego sum velocius quam tu.”

Jake started to feel excited.

“Vos deccurebimus.” Said Hermes.

He then did as he said he would and killed the zombie, took the rock, and everything was normal once again. Jake could now do what he intended to do which was put the rock away, and watch Power Puff Girls.

After all of these incidents, Jake Carter went on to live a normal life with a job, wife and kids, and no zombies. It didn’t take him long to forget those horrid experiences that he had to face when he was in high school. He was just happy to finally have everything under control, or so he thought.

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