Fear the fish
by Richard Slenker
One week, of one month, of one year, many years ago, Jupiter in a rage of anger struck the sea with a powerful bolt of lightning. Neptune got very upset with Jupiter since his lighting killed all the fish. Neptune went to Pluto to negotiate a deal to get his fish back, seeking revenge on Jupiter. When they were young, Jupiter and Neptune were best friends yet one day, while swimming in the local watering hole, Jupiter made fun of Neptune’s lisp. Since that day, there has been bad blood between them. Pluto, also unhappy with Jupiter, gave Neptune all his fish back, sort of. They were swimming dead, in other words, they were Zombie fish. Neptune declared to all the fish “Let the thea flood Mt. Olymputh and dethstroy the throne.” The zombie fish yelled back “Timor pisicis!” With one swoop of his hand, Neptune sent a massive wave towards Mt. Olympus, flooding all low lying areas. Ceres, with her crops destroyed, demanded an explanation from Jupiter. Jupiter in response said that Neptune was upset with Saturn for the change in timing of the tides. Jupiter did not want to be held responsible for his terrible mistake of killing all the fish in the sea for most of the other gods despised him already. When the seawater finally reached Mt. Olympus, the peak, home to Jupiter, was not submerged. “Non sine aquis natare” the zombie fish exclaimed. Perplexed, Neptune created a storm. This typhoon surged water towards Mt. Olympus, finally bringing Jupiter into the water. “Mergunt eum!” The whales wrapped him in seaweed.
Unable to swim, he quickly sank to the bottom of the ocean. Crying in fear, the fish relentlessly nipped at his body. “Quem sanguinare!” Mercury saw all of this commotion while flying above the submerged Mt. Olympus and dove into the water. In a second, he darted to the bottom of the ocean and freed Jupiter. With his winged feet, he held Jupiter above the ocean. All the fish jumped tried to reach him but could not jump high enough. “Nec porriget ei.” Neptune then thought of a brilliant idea. He took the wings off the dragon flies that were flying since their fields were flooded and put them on little fish. These “flying fish” leaped out of the water and hooked onto mercury, dragging him into the water. “Frange alis.” With no more help in sight, Jupiter pleaded with Neptune to make a deal. “Bring his head up,” said Neptune. “Sit respirare” said the fish to one another. “Neptune, I am sorry for all the damage I’ve caused. I will give all of your fish new life. I will even make it rain for 40 days to give you more see water.” Neptune saw the fear in Jupiter’s face and told him the next time he messed with him, Juno would have a new husband. “Hahahae dixit vobis” laughed the fish. “Magister noster est plurimum.” Like he promised, Jupiter returned all the fish back to normal except for one, as a reminder for Neptune not to overpower him again. Every once in a while you can hear the electric eel say “Cave Jupiter.”