Attack of the Zombies
by Jordan Federbush
One evening, a few of the Olympian gods were enjoying a peaceful dinner hosted by Zeus, the king of the gods. Athena, the goddess of wisdom, strategy, and war sat directly across the table from Zeus. On her left was Ares, the god of war. To his left was Hermes, the messenger god. The four gods were enjoying a bottle of fine wine provided by none other than Dionysus. As the dinner drew to a close, the gods prepared to leave. They thanked Zeus and began to walk out. Suddenly, they heard a shout from the bottom of Mt. Olympus.
“Zombies sumus! Venimus vincere montem!”
shouted the zombies.
The gods began to laugh. They were amused that a bunch of zombies dared to challenge the all-mighty gods. How did they possibly expect to win?
Hearing the laughter, the zombies, insulted, responded. “Nos non timemus. Non vultis nos pugnare.” “Multa arma tenemus. Sumus fortiores quam milites Romani.”
The gods turned and looked at one another. They didn’t know how to react. They were clearly worried, but none of them wanted to show their fear. If the zombies were a serious threat, the gods would need a plan. Immediately, Athena and Ares stood up.
“We need a strategy, and I have an idea. Zeus, you’ll shoot lightning at the zombies whenever they approach. Hermes, you need to alert everybody that we are at war. Tell Hephaestus we need weapons. Tell him they have to be the strongest weapons he’s ever made. Then, go to Hercules. We need someone as strong as him to help us fight!” ordered Athena.
“I like it,” responded Ares. “And I’ll command the fight. I’ll get soldiers from the Roman army to help us fight. With your strategy, Athena, and my command, we cannot lose.”
Hermes, eager to help, left immediately. His first destination was Mt. Etna, where Hephaestus, the god of the forge, was hard at work.
“Stop what you’re doing!” screamed Hermes. “Mt. Olympus has been invaded by zombies! We need the strongest weapons you’ve ever made!”
“I’ll start right away. The world has never seen weapons as strong as the ones I will make,” replied Hephaestus.
Next, Hermes rushed to find Hercules. “Hercules! We are at war with zombies! We need a strong man like you to help us fight,” cried Hermes.
“I’d be honored to fight with you,” said the humbled Hercules. “It’ll be my thirteenth labor.”
Ares prepared Hercules and the Roman army. Armed with their new weapons, they were ready to fight.
Zeus shouted down to the zombies. “Zombies! You will not defeat us! We are unstoppable!” “Dei parati sunt. Pugnabimus hodie,”
the zombie leader said to the zombie army.
The two sides ran at each other. Zeus shot lightning bolts at the zombies, killing a few right away. He was relentless, not allowing any zombies to make it past
the lines of Roman soldiers helping the gods. In addition, led by Ares, the Roman soldiers fought the zombies that avoided the lightning. Hercules took on the biggest zombie.
But the soldiers and Hercules made no progress. In fact, despite the efforts of Zeus, the zombies were advancing up Mt. Olympus. “Homines nobis nocere non possunt. Solum dei nobis nocere possunt!”
yelled the zombies.
But the gods, who could not understand the Latin speaking zombies, continued to fight. Little did they know, humans could not kill the zombies. The gods were wasting their time by having the Roman soldiers fight. Only the gods could harm the zombies.
By the end of the day, there had been many casualties. While the zombies had killed many of the soldiers, Zeus and Ares had killed many of the zombies. Little side had made much progress by the time the sun began to set.“Venite, zombies. Ad castra ambulabimus ante noctem,”
the zombie leader commanded his troops.
The zombies retired to their camp. They slept for a few hours, but they were woken up in the middle of the night. “Iam dei dormiunt! Oppugnabimus dum ei dormiunt!”
One of the zombies was trying to rally the rest of the zombies to launch a surprise attack on the gods. The zombies were split on the issue. Most of the zombies shouted out screams of approval, but some turned their heads in disgust. The leader was forced to step in.“Nolumus eos necare. Volumnus expugnare Montem Olympum. Si eos oppugnabimus dum ei dormiunt, eos necabimus.”
The leader was practically begging his troops to stop this debate and wait until the morning to continue the fight. But the opposition was too strong. After an hour of intense argument, the zombies launched their attack. They crept quietly up the mountain, armed with swords and bows and arrows. But suddenly, a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and killed a group of the zombies.“Dei non dormiunt! Currite! Insidiae sunt!”
shouted the zombies.
They had walked right into the trap set by Ares and Zeus. They had pretended to be sleeping all night, but in reality they were listening to the zombies scheming. They waited all night for the zombies to attack, and then they pounced and devastated the zombie forces.
The zombies tried to run, but the gods were too strong. Nearly all the zombies were killed within minutes. The few remaining zombies knew they were outmatched.“Periimus. Volumnus tradere. Vos estis fortiores quam nos,”
cried the few surviving zombies as they cowered in fear.
Having surrendered, the gods banished the zombies to the underworld, where they would suffer for all eternity. Pleased but exhausted after their victory, the gods returned to normal life on Mt. Olympus, never to be bothered by zombies again.Return to Latin Projects
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