A Zombie Christmas Carol
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
A Zombie Christmas Carol
Once upon a snowy December night, Fanger and his fellow zombie pals, Foos, Carol Channing, The Groaner, No More Lisa, little Rotten Robbie, and The Naked Zombie, decided it was the perfect evening for a festive sing along. The Zombies gathered their red and green scarves and headed out the door. Rotten Robbie grabbed the cowbell on his way out because that was his niche in the choir.
“Ego habeo tintinnabulum!” shouts Robbie.
“Sumus feliciter egrediuntur” Fanger notified the zombies.
Fanger led the pack to the Walnut house. The Walnut family was the most friendly of them all, thought Fanger. They were good people who took few showers and had lots of trash. Fanger and his crew believed that this was a sign of a beautiful character. So the Zombies walked out of their house and strolled down the street.
“Ego non possum videre viam” cried Foos.
Zeus watching this occasion from high above was frustrated with the zombies’ ability to live. The zombies had escaped his brother, Hades’ Underworld. Seeing a chance to have them pay, being the God of Weather, he sent a terrible blizzard their way. This blizzard blinded the zombies, as they were unable to see their way to the Walnut’s house.
Hestia, the God of the Hearth, felt bad for the zombies. She knows that they only wanted a night of fun, loving Christmas carols. She was feeling generous and in the Christmas spirit, so she gave the Zombies a fire so they could make it to their final destination. The Naked Zombie was chilly so he held the fire close to him, lighting the path to the Walnuts’.
The zombies then shared their appreciation, “Gratias tibi, Hestia, es amica mortuorum ambulentium!”
“Tenebunt ignem pro luce” announced The Naked Zombie.
Once all the zombies arrived, the Walnuts embraced the zombies with open arms.
“Salvete morti ambulentes, felices sumus quia nunc vos videmus.” This was a phrase the zombies happily taught the Walnut family the last time the saw eachother.
They were all surprised because Dionysus, god of wine, was already present at the party. They
roasted chestnuts by the fire.
"Cibum amo!" Shouted The Groaner.
"Tempest Bebende!" Added Foos.
Some would think it was peculiar that the Walnuts would eat their own cousins, but chestnuts are supposed be eaten by an open fire on Christmas, it’s their job, so there was no hard feelings. They continued to enjoy some lovely tunes, sung by the fabulous voices of No More Lisa and Carol Channing.
Venite, venite in Bethlehem
Venite adoremus, Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus, Dominum”
Suddenly, the door slammed open and Hades appeared. All the zombies scattered because Hades and the zombie who escaped his underworld were not on good terms. Foos ran to the coat closet, The Groaner skidded under the kitchen table, and the rest found their own hiding spots through out the house, all except Little Rotten Robbie. Before he even had the chance to yelp for help Hades snatched him.
The zombies became worried, in fear of loosing the youngest member of their pack. The zombies and Walnuts collaborated and created an ingenious plan. They decided to catapult their roasted chestnuts at Hades.
"Sine Virtus, Sine Laus." All the zombies chanted.
Clearly, the Zombies were not the sharpest knives in the drawer because this had no affect in getting Robbie back. Finally, Fanger realizes this plan was horrid. He calls Apollo, god of the sun, because Fanger remembered Hades’ hatred toward the sun. The great Apollo brings the sun before Hades can make it back the Underworld with the zombies’ Little Rotten Robbie. Consequently, Hades drops to the ground in pain, giving Robbie a second chance at escaping from him.
Apollo has saved the day! All the zombies finished caroling going towards the Pecans’, the Almonds’ and the Hazelnuts’ houses. They galloped along with their arms flailing in the air and their scarves blowing with the wind. It was a magnificent sight, snowflakes were falling and Christmas lights were glistening with the zombies’ spectacular voices.
“Angels we have heard on high
Sweetly singing o'er the plains,
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains. Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
Gloria, in excelsis Deo!”